What would you do if you had no fear?
If you didn’t think about how hard something might be, the work that’s required, how doing what you wanted would upset people, and just had the guts to stop making excuses and take action?
That’s what being manic is like.
Hi, I’m Ivy. I have a mood disorder and I was high when I thought it was a good idea to start this blog.
I have a type of manic depression mixed up with schizophrenia called psycho-affective disorder.
My psychiatrist says that it’s a mild case that’s receptive to treatment.
I believe it only really ramps up at times when I am exposed to extreme stress.
I am aware that mental illness frightens some people and there are tragic cases where people who are unwell have committed violent crimes.
My illness causes me to experience hypersexuality, but even in that condition, everything I do involves consenting adults.
It’s unfortunate for men who form an attachment to me and then get confused about my erratic behavior later on so maybe I have hurt people over the years but not in the sense of a violent crime – which is where I think people’s minds go when they ask me if I am dangerous.
If not in a position to pursue my sexual urges I have a heightened sense of confidence, energy, and charisma and am able to achieve things that would not seem possible to the normal me.
For example, over twenty years ago I strolled into a well-known media organization with no experience or qualifications and talked myself into a job that turned into a 22-year career in broadcasting.
The work that followed was quite difficult and, at times had me feeling overwhelmed and caused me quite a bit of stress. But I was there and there wasn’t any turning back.
I feel like the alpha me goes out and gets what she wants and then the sensible me has to do all the work and deal with the consequences.
But what’s worse? Dealing with all the hard work or being comfortable yet unhappy and unfulfilled?
Sensible Me always agrees with the moves that Alpha Me has made. We’re on the same page,
I’m not usually so obviously living with two different personalities. The last time I felt this way I was also going through a break-up. Which I am right now.
I’m taking the initiative to put myself out there because my ex recently sent a medical document showing that I have a mental illness to a man that he is jealous of adding that “He’s not the only one that will be seeing this.”
I took this as blackmail and wanted to expose myself to take away his power.
Stay tuned.