I’m new in town, and recently split up with my husband.
I’m British, my grandfather came over on a boat. But no one has ever asked me where I’m really from…
British people are repressed, bad communicators, we drink too much, and we have a reputation for being bad in bed.
As I say – recently single, getting back out there.
And um according to recent personal experience – Italians do it Better – than white guys.
White guys in the audience – if you’re not sure if your wife has had an orgasm or not – she hasn’t
And if she says “It’s OK baby, I almost came.”
Let me explain this to you in a way that you might understand.
Remember when you went out fishing, hoping to catch that fish?
You put on some special thigh-high plastic waders that you’ve spent a lot of money on, thinking that was going to help you catch the fish.
At one point your mind started to wonder and you thought that your time may be better spent doing something else.
You haven’t caught a fish in ages.
You can’t even remember the last time you caught a fish.
And because you hardly ever catch a fish you don’t want to go to the river and try anymore.
And you certainly don’t want to suck a dick – oh hang on – talking about fish
But then you felt that pull on the line, you got really excited.
You’ve been really stressed and angry lately and if you can just catch an awesome fish for a few moments everything in the world will feel like it’s alright.
Just for a little while.
You need this fucking fish.
But after feeling the pull on the line, you fumble and it gets away from you.
But you almost caught it – is that good enough?
I’ve clearly drunk the Kool-Aid at this point – or the Spritz.
More to come, and come and come lol