This has come up sounding like an ad for lurasidone which it is not.
It is a comment asking people to demand a different antipsychotic if they’re not happy with the one that they are on rather than ‘going off meds.’
Distressing content ahead
*************************************
Back in Port Pirie several years ago there was a man called Rex.
I had known him from 1996 up until his death in 2012.
He had a kind face, freckles and a big red beard.
He had significant mental health issues and was heavily sedated. He took a much higher dose of Olanzapine than I do.
Olanzapine is a medication that I take that makes me sleep for fifteen hours, wake up and still feel drowsy and unable to complete basic tasks like use a self-serve checkout or order food correctly online.
The only nice thing about it is drifting off to sleep, naps and a dreamy feeling during the day that nothing bothers you.
This is necessary for people prone to psychosis who have anger issues. It takes all the anger away.
What’s that line? “I used to care about things but now I take a pill for that.”
That pill is Olanzapine.
The first time that I met Rex I was at the bus stop on the way to school.
I was sixteen and my mental health issues were masked because every day I smoked weed which kept me quite calm.
Rex and I started talking because he had cigarettes. I found out that he lived nearby and would visit him and scab a smoke.
He was very lonely, lived in a little unit alone and didn’t look after himself at all.
He didn’t eat properly just drinking iced coffee and smoking all day.
His flat was dirty, and he had bad hygiene.
When I looked at his hands his fingers were yellow, and his hands would be shaking.
He spent a lot of time writing songs and talking about his connection to God.
God was speaking to him you see.
It’s still not clear if the voices were God or his illness but he was certainly very unwell.
He was frustrated about his life, the closest living being to him was his cat and people didn’t seem to understand.
I wish that he had lived long enough to have been able to take Lurasidone.
It is a different type of anti-psychotic that takes the voices away, makes the patient think in a rational way but does not have the sedative effects of Olanzapine.
I believe that medical professionals think that as long as a patient with a mental illness is complaint and not making a nuisance of themselves that their job is done.
My opinion is that while we don’t want people listening to the voices in their heads telling them to do dangerous things, we also don’t want virtual zombies struggling to care for themselves.
To me this is chemical restraint.
At this time, I will share with you a tragic story that shows why taking anti-psychotic medication always, every day forever is vital for some.
A story where the actions of the person with a mental illness are way more serious than a hurt and embarrassed partner being shocked that his partner danced on a table in a short skirt exposing her underwear, laughed too loud and flirted up a storm to anyone who’d share her love of dirty jokes.
In April of 2008 a Perth man with schizophrenia committed the type of crime that makes people scared of me when I tell them I have schizophrenia.
Aliya Zilic took his three-year-old from mum’s place, slit his throat and dumped his body down a mine shaft in Coober Pedy.
His treating psychiatrist said that he had stopped taking his anti-psychotic medication and was most likely suffering from auditory hallucinations. This is doctor talk for hearing voices in your head.
The court also heard that they were religiously motivated. This is doctor talk for thinking that God is speaking to you.
Religiously motivated auditory hallucinations are very common.
Years later as Mr Zilic applied for day release from the secure mental health facility in Adelaide.
At that hearing it was revealed that he also showed signs of narcissistic personality disorder.
If only there was a pill for that.
I was working in media in regional South Australia at the time and heard about the case over and over again.
Specifically coverage in 2017 a time at which our son was three years old. The age at which Imran Zilic lost his life.
I had a nightmare about this case. A dream that I took my son to Coober Pedy. I didn’t hurt my son in the dream, but the connection was there.
A few months earlier I had been sick and tired of being sick and tired, also of putting on weight because of olanzapine and had decided to not take it anymore.
My ex didn’t seem to mind my medication holiday commenting that “I fucked him like a porn star.”
But after this dream I immediately spoke to my psych about other options and got onto Lurasidone.
Did Mr. Zilic stop taking his meds because he was sick and tired of being sick and tired or putting on weight?
Was it affecting his sex life?
Did he have timely and easy access to a psych that would listen to his concerns and offer him an alternative?
My psych told me to exercise and eat right when I complained about olanzapine’s weight gain.
Weight gain while taking anti-psychotics is common and I’m not the only person I know on medication that gets upset about this.
It was only after I flatly refused to take my meds for several months and started to behave in quite an extroverted and full on way that I got what I needed.
I took a medication holiday and we’re all still alive.
Lurasidone was only made available in Australia in 2016.
It’s too late for little Imran, his father, his mother, in fact the whole Bosnian Australian Muslim community of Perth who will continue to be traumatized by this for generations to come.
When I started taking Lurasidone I had trouble sleeping, would vomit in the evening and quite bad anxiety at night.
After supplementing the Lurasidone with an anti-depressant that aids sleep and eating dairy at the time of swallowing the pill these issues were resolved, and my days were clear and filled with energy.
I wished that I had been taking this medication for years.
Rex was never lazy. He was sedated. It appeared difficult for him to move. I understand.
I’m not saying that he did not need meds, that he wasn’t dangerous without them, it was just sad to see him that way.
It is my belief that he died young because of existing on iced coffee and cigarettes.
If he wasn’t chemically restrained, he would have been able to shop for food, clean his kitchen and prepare meals.
He would have had better personal hygiene and washed his clothes.
No longer embarrassed about his home and his appearance he may have been able to form some more fulfilling relationships than chatting to people at bus stops after giving them a smoke.
Rex died four years before this medication became available. It’s too late for him.
Today I saw myself and the way that I live, and I thought of Rex.
I’ve been having a day off from olanzapine here and there but after allowing myself to get into a terribly violent incident I reflected on my role in that altercation and concede that I was pretty fucking annoying, and the punches would not have been thrown if I wasn’t manic at the time.
So, olanzapine every day. Like Rex.
Also, like Rex:
I am living alone in a little unit with not routine or paid work.
I’m not eating properly instead consuming soft drink, coffee and cigarettes.
I’ve gotten a yeast infection from having too much sugar which should bother me because I won’t be able to have sex, but my libido has died.
Chocolate Love is on the text line, and I just don’t care.
At one time proud of my beauty, I’m embarrassed to look in the mirror yet have no energy to change it.
I’m no longer house proud, haven’t mowed the lawn or put my clothes away and am struggling with personal hygiene.
I performed comedy last night, but I was not confident or charismatic at all.
I had to summon up the advice of British comedian and author of Ben Elton who says that he never feel’s charismatic, but he has faith in his material.
I felt confident about the material.
The only time that I felt motivated to take care of things was when the Italian came over for a few hours the other day and I felt like I had someone to look after.
I do however need to feel ok about being alone.
I believe that linking your ‘ok’ to a separate human being gives that person too much power and responsibility.
It will also cause you to act clingy, anxious and controlling which doesn’t end well.
It was my ex that got me off Lurasidone and back on Olanzapine. To have me chemically restrained.
When I was taking Latuda I had more energy and was thinking clearly, but I kept getting angry he said.
Funny thing is I was only getting angry at him.
Instead of listening to my concerns he had the audacity to decide that I had borderline personality disorder and needed to get back on the sedatives.
Was he a manipulative master mind who enjoyed control or did he genuinely believe that he knew better than me and a qualified psychiatrist with a quarter of a century of experience who’d never considered me for a diagnosis of BPD?
I don’t want to be like Rex.
I’m already starting to feel isolated.
Last night I gave a stranger a cigarette so he would stop and talk a while.
Thank God for old friends coming out of the woodwork to support me, including the Italian who’s there for me whether we’re hooking up or not.
I’m hesitant to do this because it means I will really have to start facing things but it’s time to get back on the Lurasidone every day.
To let go of the happy, floaty, dreamy, nothing bothers me, afternoon naps olanzapine vibe.
It’s also time to let go of the occasional bouts of mania which I must do for the sake of my personal safety.
When I take Lurasidone I burst out of bed and require something to do otherwise I get quite frustrated. I have manic energy with a clear mind.
It’s not too late for me.
**********
It has been four months.
My home is spick and span.
I have made some lovely new female friends who I catch up with often.
I spend most of the day comfortably alone with an outing of a few hours at their place most days.
I got angry once and it was justified. I sent some angry texts and stopped talking to that person for a few months. This is the only time that my anger has made me concerned and it took months of the same bad situation for me to feel that way. Nothing dangerous there.
I sleep for five hours a night and have no problems with complex tasks.
When I told my psychiatrist that I haven’t been vomiting and getting panic attacks while taking Latuda this time my psychiatrist says my life in the family home was the real cause of those symptoms and that I am in the best condition that he has seen me in for twelve months. (as of November)
My sex drive and kinks are still there and while I have not found my forever person there have been some adventures that involved different skin tones, laughter and PERFECT ABS.
I am finding my sense of self and feel and believe that I am the only person that can make me happy.
I don’t have paid work but I did some creative audio editing that I was very proud of and was able to learn a new kind of software.
It looks like things are heading in the right direction.