Last night I took my olanzapine. It is an antipsychotic medication that has a sedative effect.
I slept for fifteen hours and still feel drowsy.
I look at some neon orange underwear purchased recently with distan but am aware that I thought it was an excellent purchase at the time and suited my mood a few days ago.
I am lonely but right now have no interest in sex.
I don’t particularly want conversation but would like another human being present hanging around the house.
Someone calm and safe that has good energy.
I’ve put a film noir murder mystery movie based on the story behind Agatha Christie’s ‘The Mouse Trap’ and am considering preparing a sensible meal.
I’ve looked over my writing efforts from last night and the work that I’m most proud of is not funny or sexual at all but is a comment on the woefully inadequate access to psychiatrists in regional SA.
I’ve also posted that I will be doing ‘The Blackmail Routine’ tomorrow night, prompting direct messages of support from people that I haven’t had any contact with for twenty-five years.
I would have put it all out there last night when I was feeling brave because today, I am unsure of myself all over again and wondering if I should just try and reason with him.
But I had the right to be angry at my ex, look over my previous posts to see why.
The olanzapine stops me from being angry.
Another thing that concerns me aside from a recent completely unacceptable breach of privacy is that he told me what to do so often that at one point early on in our break-up I had a meltdown over making my own decision about buying a pair of sunglasses.
I’m looking at those sunglasses on the kitchen table right now.
More to come.